The last few days I have felt overwhelmed, overworked, and burdened for a place that I do not yet know. See, I know what my calling is to the T, but I do not know where or the means to get there or who that may be with.
When I was at Project Searchlight, God revealed specific things to me, but he left it without a country or a fellow person to do ministry with. God knew I would dwell on that while I was here in Romania. Well, as I have been in Romania and through prayer and this vision casted upon my life, I feel like 85% of me is saying Romania is not my long-term. I love these people too much to say “pa” to. (“Pa” in Romanian, is goodbye, FYI.) The mission team is awesome, they are so encouraging to me and have in depth conversations about anything. This is how I live-in depth conversations of topics ranging from Romania to our hearts on things.
It’s been a challenge to be without another Racer, but in their absence God is speaking in some mighty big ways. I used to go to people first for things, but ever since being here and being “alone,” my passion for The Word has grown. It has not died off like the past, instead it has thrived. I’m learning that people actually overwhelm me. I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD SAY THIS! I love people, but I enjoy working on a team, as long as I can get some of my own time to process what is going on! This is especially strange coming from someone who is an extreme extrovert who loves being with people and processing externally. Nope, at least here in Draganesti-Olt, Romania, I don’t do that nearly quite as often. Maybe, just maybe God is working on my heart asking me for all my concerns before going to another person with them. Maybe God is asking for me to lay my future in His hands? And p.s. this is really hard for me, it has been since I’ve had a specific calling for a specific thing.
So, what am I going to do? I have options…I could either ignore the fact that I’m supposed to be here for the time I said and go home or be faithful with the calling that He has given me for this time. He has called me here to speak life over the people. I feel to a degree that’s in the form of English. If I can teach English to people here, the more people they can speak into and speak life over them. God has called me to be a forerunner for this town and place, and I can’t refuse to do that, even though it’s hard and some days I want to be in my own bed in Wisconsin. Yeah, Rachel Martin, stands before you (through Internet) today saying that:
- She has a purpose in Draganesti-Olt, even if it’s for 3 months
- Is a beloved daughter of the King
- Can speak and shake the foundations of darkness-AMEN!
I know I’m here to do these things, but more so, I’m here because God has brought me here to refine really deep places of my being into something more of Him! It’s hard, frustrating, emotional, but it’s also good, redemptive and sweet! I’m excited for what He’s doing in my life! There again is something that I would never have thought myself to say!
