Okay, I know. I know…it’s been too long. When I last posted I had made mention of how I was applying to grad schools and finding a job to help me pay off my student loans. I thought I was heading in the right direction, but knew this somehow had to be incorporated with long-term missions as this was something God had told me would happen.
I can’t fully begin to express how the year was. I had just gotten off the missions field for 15 months and was drained in every way possible. I do believe there were days when I just slept and that’s all I wanted to do before throwing myself into the GRE and whatever job God would give me. There was this little piece of me though that knew I would be heading back to Romania within the next year or so. (This was the end of November 2012. This piece of info is key…). I remember telling God I would go back on the missions field long-term in 5-10 years, as that gave me time to pay off loans and get into graduate school. Me, I told God this…
Well, I found myself 3 months later “stuck” in a sense, as no acceptance letters were coming in the mail for grad schools. I was battling with the lie of “not being smart enough” or “not being good enough for speech therapy” and ultimately “I was a failure.” It was rough. I will give you that. Here I was, someone who had x number of dollars in debt, eventually wanting to go on the missions field and struggling with culture shock with no World Racers around me and working at Starbucks. Starbucks?! Really God. That’s what you’re going to give ME to help pay off loans. I was angry, but more so confused as MY plan wasn’t working out.
I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I cried as I watched World Race videos of the countries and ministries I had fallen in love with or the blogs written so eloquently by Racers who were currently on the field. I craved it! I craved the World Race MORE than I craved it while I was on it. I remember praying, “Oh God, how amazing would it be if I could live in Romania and work for both The World Race and RESO (The Romanian ministry)?” I kept praying this and God kept saying “surrender.” Surrender what? In my head, what I took that as was surrender Romania and The World Race. This thought and prayer had crossed my mind so much throughout the year and became one of those things that would be great if it happened, but was very unlikely in my head, as well God told me to surrender it. It became a desire, but I didn’t seek it out, because I was too focused on the here and now and still thought this meant 5-10 years. I will tell you…God shook those expectations out pretty quickly, but seemed like forever to me.
TO BE CONTINUED…
